A mass of protoplasm stuttered its way on to this beautiful planet called earth on the 10th of April 1989. Well it was christened DHANANJAY. And that's me- a tall and lanky 6 feet 1 inches with broad shoulders tapering downwards as they reach the hard earned 8 packs, forming a nice 'V' cut, well I am the sort of hot property that would tempt any onlooker especially gals to turn their heads.... "who said looks don't kill?"

I would have loved to introduce myself thus, but for my average looks and my below average physique. I do not come anywhere close to the genre of the Hrithiks and the Siddharths, but neither do I belong to the Sunny Deols or the Sunil Shettys. That leaves me with a 5 feet 8 inches cylindrical mass tanned sufficiently in sun that rolls about aimlessly- some people call that sort of being chubby. This is me, the average Indian, the common man, the conscious dot representing the ocean of youth that my beautiful country today has- youth who are enthused with the feeling that in their hands lie the future of this land. Yes! I represent that average Indian who dares to dream big, who finds happiness in small achievements, who believes that the love of his life will one day definitely come searching for him and finally... who knows very well that it is those small little things in life that makes LIFE seem BEAUTIFUL !!!..

TERA CHEHRA !!!... teri yaad aati hai...

TERA CHEHRA...



                                 The most memorable part in every man’s life is that small portion or episode in his story wherein he first tasted the fruit of love. And more often than not, it happens at a time when he is least polluted by the bodily love and with impurities like worldly desires, jealousy, greed for money, power etc... far far away from his slightest of thoughts. Well it happens at an age when he is confused between love and infatuation, on the threshold of adolescence. His love ranges from an actress he grew fond of... to his English class teacher who smiles at him and from the girl next door to his best friend since school days. And it is exactly at that point of time that he wishes the world would just freeze, take a nap for a while, time ceases to tick away, and his dream land would include just him and his love...Love makes life beautiful...

                            My dear readers, just sit back, relax, close your eyes and mind, open your heart and relive all those magical moments once again... Remember that day when you first saw her, remember the first time you dared to confront her, remember that moment when you shyly and fearfully proposed to her and even as you are immersed and lost in her thoughts and me in mine, what stands out in my memory today, from all those wonderful times we had spent together, from all those frames of images that flashes in my mind, is that horrifying day, the 10^th of April, 2006...

                          Sometimes you feel life is mocking at you. How many times have we not come across a situation, where in as we reach the zenith of joy and just as we believe that we would remain so at the peak for eternity, a small nudge and we dive deep into the abyss  of dejection. Isn’t life similar to a roller coaster ride??? Hold on a sec... If you are wondering why I am deviating from my focal theme...Here I come... The 10^th of April happens to be the day I chose to tread upon this beautiful planet called Earth. It was my birthday. And like anyone else, even my special day started with all the excitement. As the clock struck midnight 12, a black forest cake smeared completely all over my face, my back whacked by my friends in the name of wishes, messages forcing their way onto my mobile and distance calls from near and dear bursting my ears... I couldn’t have asked for anything much better. But as it always happen, my heart was searching for someone special. “Why hasn’t she called me? Not even a message!!! What’s wrong with her?” As I was immersed in these thoughts, the call finally came at 6’o clock in the morning. I was asked to come to the terrace top and she being the girl next door, all she had to do was just jump onto mine. This was how we usually met each other day in and day out for the last... I don’t remember how many years.

                          But this time it was something special, something quite different from all our other meetings. I was meeting her after a long time. So my heart was about to quench its thirst, having not seen her in what seemed like a century though in human calculations that would only amount to a month. This past one month had been a nightmare for both of us. I guess it requires no special mention as to what generally happens in your life when your parents find out that you had fallen in love, (to make things worse at just 16 years of age!!!) Well that’s precisely what happened to me also. House arrests, unasked advise and philosophy about love and life, loads of examples in history as to how love is just an infatuation...these became the order of the day in my life. But amidst all this chaos, there was still a ray of hope.

                           I don’t remember the last time she had missed wishing me on my birthday.... (Was it in class 4 that she forgot and we stayed mum for a week in protest...it was me though that broke the mum...she was always the winner...) But little did my heart know that even before it could sip in a few drops of love; it would be derived of its very existence, choking it to death... “Has she chosen this moment, of all to convey that dreadful message? Why is she trying to poke the wound, making it incurable even for the most efficient physician...TIME?” And then we met... The eyes that knew each other for so long suddenly felt unfamiliar. There was an air of discomfort and it was she who finally broke it. But all she said was that it seemed wiser for her to go for a break up, now that it seems to be impossible for us to continue our relationship any longer. I don’t know if she still remembered that it was my birthday, but she was still, composed and emotionless as if she was talking to some stranger that she disliked talking to. “Was she feeling unsecured about her life? Had she yielded to the pressure of her family? Can she ever forget the sacrifices I had made for her sake? How can girls be so selfish?” Anger, frustration and emotions took over my faculties and in a moment of disgust I slammed back at her saying that I would never again see her face in my life and that I would believe that she was the worst thing that happened in my life. With that I stormed back into my house leaving her in what at that time didn’t look like tears at all to my foolish eyes. I thought it was my eyes that were wet. A week later I secured for myself an admission in a college in Bangalore, left our city and had settled down there ever since. “I would never again see her face in my life”... how foolish I was!!!... I remember one moon lit night as we were cuddled into each other’s arms, she asked me... “ can you ever live without me?”... to which I said,“ Is there life without you?”... Then how would it ever be possible at all for me to imagine a day without the thought about her... She was my very being...

Teri yaad aati hai...

“Every time I close my eyes I see you so vividly

That makes me feel time is only ticking away timidly...

Where do I begin my cute little love story?

That for ages now remained with me as a mystery...

O! my love, have you forgotten the promise you once made

Then why have you left our love to dust and fade...

I can’t remember a single night that I haven’t sorely cried

Look into my eyes, you would find those tears that still haven’t dried...

The time we had spent, the happiness we had shared, O! what a pity

Today, they are nothing but mere blips on the canvas of eternity...

My life without you is dark and black

I can stand no more, plzzz come back...”

                          “The face that greeted me every day, the face that brought smiles to my face no matter what problem I was facing... the face that was ever innocent and child-like... I am missing it. Or maybe I am not actually missing you because...I would miss you only if I start feeling ur absence... but you are like a ghost that never left me...that surrounded my very being... that drew blood from my body but at the same time was the sustenance that kept me going... I know not where you are... I am still dreaming of that day when you would come back to me...i know that you are hurt too... i know that you cried too...but why did you do all this... that you forgot our 15 years of friendship...i am no fool to believe... but what’s that keeping you at bay.. is what i am unaware of... where do I find you again???... I know you wanted to tell me the truth... but at the same time wanted to remain mum... could you not share it with me... did I all of a sudden become a stranger... tell me why???”

                                                                                                  Dated: 10^th April 2009

                                                                                                               My Diary...

                            This summer, on the 10^th of April 2011, I had gone to my native place... the place where I grew up studying, the place that reminds of me of those magical moments that I had spent with my love... I wanted to know what happened of her, fully aware that time had cured me, making me strong enough to face any adversity. I had begun to forget her. She was now just a sweet past to me. But it was my curiosity that  brought me there. I went to my old house and sure enough even after seven long years the place hadn’t changed much... I made myself bold enough to go to her house, which as I had mentioned earlier, was just adjacent to ours... I met her parents... they were warm and nice to me which wasn’t quite a surprise to me given the fact that I knew them all through my childhood.... I had literally grown with their daughter in that house... But all through the conversation they had intentionally avoided any conversation that would mention their daughter. Unable to withstand any longer, I finally held the courage to ask what happened of her, what she was doing and all that... What followed next was uneasy silence.. Seeing me getting annoyed, finally her father started speaking. But even as he was to start speaking, he burst into unconsolable sobbing. I was shocked, unaware as to what I must be doing then... what followed then for the next one hour is the most unforgettable conversation that i had in my life...

                         My dear readers, lemme go back to where I had actually begun this post... the most memorable part in anyone’s life is that first love that he had experienced when he was a kid... and that is because of the pure and selflessness that childhood crushes are all about... I was no exception to it. I always thought that my girl had left me and gone away forgetting all the promises she made. But did I ever think why she had to do it when it would equally pain her too? There lies the crux to the problems that man faces today in his love life. Think about your partner too!!! And that’s precisely what my girl had done for me too... She thought about me and thought only about me...not what the world around her would say, not what her parents would say and she had sacrificed everything and even in her death she ensured that I suffered no pain at all... All through she was suffering from a chronic ailment which had only one cure...her death... So the parents coming to know of our love was all her story... the break up was all her story... the emotionless stoic behavior was all her story... all through she gradually withdrew herself from me... created in me a hatred for her when I should have been loving her for the sacrifices she made. Now everything makes sense... why she was crying when she wanted to break up with me. In my frustration, I had gone away saying, “I would never again see her face in my life”... How I wish I can see her just one more time... say how much I actually loved her...  Teri yaad aati hai...

Jab chandani badhkar

Raaton per chaati hai

Teri yaad aise mein

Dil ko tadpati hai

Teri yaad aati hai...

Kisse o bahroon ke

Beete nazaron ke

Phir ga ke sunati hai

Aur humko rulati hai

Teri yaad aati hai...

Itna to batao kya

Yehi chandani jaakar

Koi khwaab jagati hai

Tumko bhi sataati hai

Teri yaad aati hai...

like any other usual day.....

                                   A thick dark canopy of clouds were briskly floating over the morning sky hiding the lazy Sun beneath them. The chirping of the birds provided the soothe music that both my ears and the heart pined for. The heath conscious early-to-rise joggers were synchronizing their foot steps in a rhythmic manner even as the cool breeze swept away traces of the night's sleep from our drowsy faces. Sitting under a coconut tree that just then dropped its precious fruit, I came to realize the fundamental truth that Newton realized a long time ago. Well I guess it was this gravitational pull that dragged by butt to the ground and din't allow me to do what my fellow friends were doing, jogging. In any case, I was doing what I was best at, admiring the breaking dawn. I CAME ...  I SAW...and I was CONQUERED...  I came because there was this conk jogging session where one comes not to jog but to give their attendance. I saw because... of course!!! what else you expect me to do... I cant jog... the farthest I can push myself to is to jog for a length of 10 meters. And I was conquered because I realized there are a lot of other things in life that nature offers to us, which only if we care to pay attention to, we could derive happiness from it.

                                              CTRL + SHIFT + N

                                

                                   The race that  began a long time ago has finally entered it's final lap with the car weary of the 16 laps it had to trudge against. How I wish there is a pit stop now where it can rest for a while to get rejuvenated and rattle again like a ferocious metallic lion. The finish line looks far ahead, its sight not in the vicinity of the microscopic eyes. Wondering what I am referring to? Well actually this year I jump into the final year of my formal education and even as I celebrate this achievement, the tiredness of these 16 long years is showing it's effect on me. I am just not able to concentrate in classes and the finish line seriously looks far ahead. The only thing positive in this whole issue is that these 16 years of self effort and grace, struggle and negligence, happiness and sorrow, success and failure and a many more such things will actually result in creating a name for myself..... Dhananjay.... B.com(hons).... MBA (finance)....

                                 Well my admiring nature and watching the breaking dawn has not done any good to me. I know the nature is all beauty... but its beauty is making me remain a fatty... Guys I haven't jogged in what looks like a century and my fitness guru is all freaked out at me for not following my fitness regime. Did I say it the title that it was like any usual day...well there was a difference.... I was sitting there watching the coconut fall and completely bugged up with myself  when all of a sudden I get this freaking idea what if I try out the gym and the jogging....

                             So there I was jogging for the first time in a long time... now than never!!! I guess.... my friends said that a snail goes faster..but who cares what they say... my mission 70 has just begun...watch me after a month...  I bet u wouldn't recognize me.... Hey by the way my name is now dietjay... bye guys ..see u soon..

I love the way my life goes on...!!!

Every morning I wake up to see the peeping SUN;
Praying to lord to fill that day with lots of FUN;
With few minutes left for college, lets say goodbye to BATH;
And at least run fast down towards the breakfast PATH;

To my horror, all I see is some stupid veg PIE;
But what to do,unless I eat, I am sure to DIE;
Gulping it down in all my HURRY;
I forget to use the existing CURRY;

With the clock ticking close to NINE;
I better run to avoid the late comers FINE;
That crazy biometry,where u got to insert your FINGER;
Before the omkaram starts from our college's best SINGER;

Six hours seem like six YEARS;
How to tell our teachers that they are bleeding our EARS;
Are they really blinded to the rolling TEARS;
That's why education is what every child FEARS;

Oh!,in between we had a break for some stupid LUNCH;
The one who made that menu surely needs a solid PUNCH;
Still u got to eat it claiming a hungry PRETENSE;
Though i know that sometimes "nothing is better than NONSENSE";

All of us eagerly wait for the clock to strike 5'O CLOCK;
In lines we go for lord's darshan making the traffic BLOCK;
It is here we experience the day's best PART;
When the journey of our lord SAI from yajur mandir START;

For 2,3 hours we bask in his GRACE;
For everyone to see the happiness on our FACE;
But for him our life is always BORING;
You come out from mandir,only to see the rain POURING;

Drenching in rain,we run back HOME;
Taking care not to catch a fever SYNDROME;
So whats up next?,off course there is a DINNER;
Which only helps me to become day by day THINNER;

After the dinner, you either read a NOVEL;
Or plug your ears with mp3 hidden under a TOWEL;
Its only when CIEs are around, we open the BOOK;
Otherwise none of us bother to even give it a LOOK;

Finally we hit the bed,the purpose being to SLEEP;
But meddle with our I-phones,ensuring there is no one to PEEP;
Thus goes this journey from dawn to dusk,filled with brightness and GAY;
Hey!!!,By The Way,I Forgot To Say,My Name Is DEEJAY;

where do I begin???

                         699,426,731 seconds and still counting. Yes! that is the amt of time I had already spent on this beautiful planet and still going stronger with every passing second. So to pick out one 'second' to begin with is an arduous task. Hmm...where to begin?, that is the whole point.

                         Ok! may be let's begin with what happened on the 1st of June 1994. I was to join the pre-school to become a knowledgeable nerd. Well that was what my parents precisely thought then. Education?.... To me that was not what a school was meant to be for. So, obviously it was not the text books that dragged my attention, but the pretty hands of gals that held those lifeless pages that naturally did.

                         Nope!... erase that from your mind. Lets start it from some where else. This is not the kind of intro I wanted for myself. No.... I am not a girl maniac or something. Hmm... hmm!!! ok..

                         The date was 14th September 2001 and I was in class 6. Notorious, noted and naughty by all means... I was then a real scare to all my class gals. A duster in one hand and a ruler rotating in the other, I was a spectacle that drained the blood out of any one.... I was the man-eater (monitor) of my class... Absolute power corrupts absolutely. And there I was throwing dusters at guys chatting in the class room and whacking with ruler all those giggling when i usually sung hindi songs at the time of minding. Oh! God, all this at class 6!!! What the hell was wrong with me???... Guys, I guess we will start it from some other point of time.

                         The date was 29th April 2004. Studying in class 9, with 3 girls having already turned me down... I was yet again single and ever ready to get intermingled... What's wrong with all these gals yaar. If all are to go only for the Hrithiks' and the Ranbirs', then who would go for the Imran Hasmis'? oye... I did look like Imran, but with a difference. Ever seen an Imran Hasmi- who is short, slightly fat, tanned sufficiently by Sun and still trying to pose as if he is the hot property of bollywood? Well that's precisely what I was. The kind of image that I had established for myself in my school in those 9 years, through my sweat and effort... that would not allow even a single gal to even give a glance at me, forget a relationship. There was a rumour that they preferred a dog to me...( "dogs are cool"...who said that??? ). But just to prove the old adage right..."Every dog has it's day", well I finally had mine too. A girl who had been kicked out of 3 schools in my city for an extraordinary and outstanding performance in her academics had found her way to our school. Well for any aspiring student who is still learning alphabets in his/her class 9 but still has the desire and the audacity to dream big in life, for them our school would be the natural choice. Anyways our school had this funny mission statement..." we accept any DUMBASS into any CLASS even though he might have failed to PASS." So there she was, as a God's given gift, she found our school, and she found me. Was it Keats who said " A thing of beauty is a dumbass forever"? O yes! she was absolutely beautiful. Dumbass? Don't ask me that. Her marks always did the talking. Being the topper in my class (oh! did I forget to tell you that?), I was the obvious choice my teacher found to guide and help that angel like dumb*** girl in her academics. I spent a good one hour to give her some clarity in the course syllabus, at the end of which, she very thankfully said---" I OWE YOU SO MUCH".... well any intelligent guy would have responded to that saying..." I LOWE YOU SO MUCH"... so did I... All she did was to point towards an object lying at the corner of our room. I ran eagerly towards it to know what she was trying to gesture to me. And there it was.... Standing right in front of me, staring at me was a short, fat, round headed fool emerging out of the mirror and looking stupidly triumphant... "LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR"... I got my answer in a clear manner. Did I earlier say that she was a dumb***.... may be it was actually me, not her after all...

                     No, I am not a loser. This is not the kind of intro I wanted for myself. So what if a girl turned me down.... Guess we shall start it from some where else.....

                      The date was 31st March 2005. My year long relationship with the dumb*** girl finally ended in a weird manner. At one point of time we had grown so fond of each other that staying away for a long time became a pain. So she had moved her home-base to become the cute gal next door... my neighbor... So my day would go like chatting with her in school, in the play ground, on the basket ball courts, during tuition, park benches and finally on the terrace at nights. The only time we were away was when we were probably sleeping. Hmm.... "Behind every successful man there is a woman", they say... my foot!!!... there is a women eagerly waiting to pull him down to dust. My one year relationship screwed me up enough. From class topper, I had become over night pauper, just managing to pass in most subjects. It doesn't require a Sherlock Homles to surmise what is going wrong with an intelligent boy to make him a sudden dumb***... So my parents did come to know of the reason and I was soon house arrested, with just one month left for the  10th ICSE board exams to begin. I vividly remember that moon lit night when it rained dogs and donkeys. She had chosen that momentous occasion for a historic revelation... something that Juliet told to Romeo, Rose to Jack, and this dumb*** girl to me...THAT I WOULD REMAIN THE LOVE OF HER LIFE FOR ETERNITY...

                        Today, after 6 years, she still remains that same dumb*** type, pursuing her medicine ( god save all her patients ) and the whole reason for me to apparently abuse that innocent looking girl was becoz, she had left the revelation for dogs, and chosen another dog for the love of her life. She is now in relationship with one of her colleagues..........living merrily... I sincerely hope that she would have a memorable life ahead.

                         But she happened to be a blessing in disguise in my life. That incident had changed my life once for all. After my house arrests were diluted and the numerous promises that I had given to my mom had their impact, I was ready to begin a new life in a new place among new people on the 4th of June 2005.

                       Yes, this is where I choose to begin.....

                                                 MY MUSINGS.....MY LIFE.....!!!

                         

                        Introducing to you, weighing 72465 grams, tallest shorty, thinnest faty, smartest dunder-head,  dhananjay a.k.a deejay....aged 22,hails from the city of destiny, loves playing cricket, sings hindi and english songs, writes desperately rhyming poems, and now authoring a novel....LOVE MAKES LIFE BEAUTIFUL...